Friday, 20 December 2013

Another goodbye.....

Today I found out that an old friend of mine passed away a year ago. I am still in shock. She was my age.
Her name was Sam, and I met her when we were apprentice chefs at Wockpool in Darling Harbour many moons ago. She and Rosa used to do everything together. Now I think of my friend Rosa and the loss she would have felt, and my heart breaks. 
The last time I saw Sam in person was in the UK. She was living there too and came to see me in Reading. I can still see her sat on the couch. I would sometimes stop by her Facebook page to see her smiling face stare back at me.I never thought that I would never see her again. 
I have been so wrapped up in my own life that I totally missed that Sam was ill. It may have been years since I last saw her, but she was still my friend and I respected her as a chef, colleague and most of all as my friend. 
On this day, the one year anniversary of her passing, I send my sincere and heartfelt condolences to her family.The stars have gained another shining light, and we have lost another beautiful soul on Earth. Rest in peace Sam. 

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

5 years on...

Tomorrow is October 16th, it will be 5 years since we lost my aunt. I find that no matter how much time passes, my heart still aches with sadness and pain when I remember that day. It's funny, I was talking with my friend who said she just couldn't face the remembering and commemorating of the day a loved one died. She instead celebrates life. It made me think about how I remember the people I love, and I told her that I too celebrate life, but it was how we did things in my Serbian/Slovenian family by visiting the grave on the anniversary of a loved ones death. I also choose to visit on my aunts birthday, or whenever I may be passing Rookwood.

When I do visit my aunts grave, I talk to her in the hope that somehow she will hear me. I remember all the wonderful times we had together, and most of all I remember her smile and laugh, although it does hurt to remember sometimes because I can no longer share laughs with her. It hurts to take my children to her grave and know that they will never get to enjoy her company. Not a day goes by without me missing her.

My cousins are always at the back of my mind. I wonder how they cope without their amazing mother. I wonder if they are OK. I wish that she could see how amazing they are, and how they have grown. She would be so proud.

I now realise that no matter how much I celebrate her life and remember the wonderful days with her, that the the 16th of October will forever be one of the worst days of my life, for the sole reason that she left this world that day and we will never get her back.
To my beautiful aunt Mikki, I miss you more than I can put into words. I wish so much that you could meet my girls...they would adore you, just as I do. Our lives have not quite been the same since you left, and I know that my mum would give anything for just one more moment with you...so would I.  You will always be the smiling face in the black and white photo Dejan took of you all those years ago. I love you.


Monday, 9 September 2013

New name...

Just a quick post. As you can see the name of my blog has been updated. When I started my blog 3 years ago I used my daughter Molly as inspiration. She looked just like a little baby Orangutan, so hence the Ginger Monkey. Now we have a new addition in my second daughter Harriet, so naturally I wanted to include her as well. Harri is my little peanut, so now we have Ginger Monkey & The Peanut! Plenty more stories to come on the mishaps of parenthood and other things.

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

3 is NOT the magic number!

This year we celebrated Molly's third birthday. I was heavily pregnant with Harriet at the time, hence no earlier post on the party. We had a joint party with two of Molly's best mates, whose mums (my good friends) were also heavily pregnant and had just had their second baby. We divided up the responsibilities so none of us had too much to do, which worked beautifully for us. The party itself was fantastic and all the kids had a wonderful day. It was what had begun just before Molly turned 2 and continued into her turning 3 that has slowly driven me to madness.
The cake I made for their Peppa Pig party
People constantly talk about the "terrible twos", but let me tell you something, it begins before they turn two and progressively gets worse. The most horrendous moments come during the age of 3. I'm sure that having a new sibling hasn't helped much, but my sweet little monkey has literally become Reagan from The Exorcist. As I sit here and write this, she is currently giving herself home tattoos with black and brown textas.
I am really battling with her on a daily basis. She is like a buzzard around Harriet, always wanting to kiss, cuddle and hold her, which can be very sweet, but she gets right up in her face. I try so hard to be patient, but after asking Molly not to touch her sisters head for the gazillionth time I tend to lose it. It's at these moments when my patience becomes non-existent that I really feel like the worst mum in the world. I hate snapping at her and losing my cool. I have to remind myself that she is only a 3 year old child...a CHILD. Molly seems so much more grown up and her language is so advanced that it's easy to forget that she is only 3. On top of that, her whole world has just been turned on it's head and here I am screaming the roof down at her because I am essentially just really bloody tired. I honestly don't know how people cope with more than two children. Molly was enough of a handful on her own, now she's a truckload hahaha!
This photo says it all hahaha!
When I was in hospital after having Harri, Molly would cry every time she had to leave me. It broke my heart, and I really hated being apart from her. Then the other night when she got into trouble, she turned around to me and shouted, "I want you to go back to hospital!", what a cow! Or if she gets mad with me she will shout "I'm very angry with you right now!" and then do a high pitched scream which I am sure sends all the cats and dogs in the neighbourhood running. 
I have to say that she still has her moments of hilarity and joy in between her moments of insanity. I just hope that she grows out of this attitude soon, because that's exactly what it is, attitude. My daughter is a princess, and not in the elegant royal way.
I guess we're a work in progress and all we can do is work towards shaping Molly in to a well adjusted and loving young lady who so happens to also have fiery temper. My advice to anyone who will encounter my Molly, don't piss her off.....I have felt the wrath of my 3 year old and it burns hahaha!

Sunday, 18 August 2013

Natural Birth: My journey on the road to the burning ring of fire....

It's official, I am now a mum of two! After what seemed like the longest pregnancy in history, I finally gave birth to my second daughter Harriet, on her actual due date of July 20th. Now, I am about to tell you the detailed events that led up to Harri's birth and I must warn that I am not going to hold back. READER WARNING: This is going to be hectic!

I'll begin on Wednesday the 17th of July. I was 39 weeks and 4 days. I had my weekly midwives clinic appointment at 3:10 pm. All through my pregnancy my blood pressure had been perfect, but after what happened when I had Molly (my blood pressure escalated during birth) I forever had a dark cloud looming within me waiting for it to happen again. So I went to my appointment feeling as heavy as a whale carrying triplets. The moment she took my blood pressure she looked me dead in the eyes and said, "it's not good". Panic immediately ensued. I had to have bloods done, do several urine samples, then an ultrasound and then I was hooked up to a fetal monitor to make sure Harri was OK. After all the tests and being at the hospital for over 4 hours I was taken down to labour ward where an Obstetrician advised me I was being kept in overnight to be monitored and that they wanted me back on Saturday morning to be induced. I felt like I had been smacked in the face with a baseball bat. I started to cry and get quite upset as I wouldn't see Molly that night and I wasn't prepared for that just yet. I was discharged the following day and able to go home and prepare for my induction on Saturday.

We had to be at the hospital for 7 am on Saturday morning, so Molly had to have her first ever sleep over with her grandparents on the Friday night. I didn't realize how hard it was going to be for me, being away from my Molly. With that we began the journey to meeting our new addition.

Induction is a 3 step process:
  1. Cervidil is inserted (This is a slow release Prostaglandin. It contains a hormone similar to those produced naturally by your body which helps to stimulate labour. It helps prepare your cervix for labour (this is known as “cervical ripening”). Apparently this will do nothing for a 1/3 of women, for another 1/3 labour will begin but die off and the last 1/3 will go into full scale labour.
  2. The following day small inflatable balloons are inserted to shake up the membranes.
  3. Syntocinon is administered. This increases the contractions.

The Cervidil was was given to me and they advised me to go for a long walk. I asked if it would be OK if my husband and I walked up to King Street to Burger Fuel and Max Brenner as we were both starving. The midwives said, they preferred patients to stay on hospital grounds but that we wouldn't be too far so it should be OK. On the walk up to King Street I had to stop at a bus stop as I felt a mild contraction. At this point I looked at Jonathan and said "I think she's going to come today". We laughed and smiled and continued on. We had lunch at Burger Fuel and my mum came and met us with Molly as I was eager to see her one last time before her sister arrived. I had a couple of small contractions while at lunch so thought we should head back to the hospital. My mum drove us back and Jonathan headed home to feed the cats and do some bits and bobs. It was to be a fleeting visit home for him. I rang Jon crying begging him to come back straight away, to which he jumped on his motorbike and did so. He was pulled over by police who said he was driving aggressively. He told them I was in labour and they said he hadn't done anything wrong he was just driving aggressively and to just get to the hospital. So as it turns out, I am part of the 1/3 of women who go into full scale labour.


So labour really kicked off at about 2:30pm and I was certainly feeling it. At the last check I was already 3cm dilated so they took me straight down to labour ward, where I was wheeled into the very same room that I gave birth to Molly on. I was so happy to be in the same place. My midwife was a stunning woman named Alex. She had the most flawless skin I had ever seen, perfect teeth and a smile to match. She was also extremely lovely. I also had a student midwife named Kate who was also very pretty and super nice. 

Alex asked me what kind of pain relief I would like if I wanted any. I said I had had an epidural with Molly and was looking for the same right now as I was in a fair bit of pain. She went off to organize an anaesthetist for me and I was prepped with a cannula ready for my epidural. In the meantime I was sucking down hard on the gas. At this point things got quite hectic. I was then advised that the anaesthetist had been called off to an emergency caesarean and my epidural would be little longer than anticipated. This happened several times and then it happened. I never knew that sensation of wanting push because I had an epidural with Molly, but all of sudden there it was and I was freaking out. I started shouting "please tell me she's not posterior!"...and from that my language took a downward spiral. I screamed that I needed to push, however there was still some cervix over Harri's head so my midwife had to move it....while I was having a contraction. Sweet Jesus, the pain was HORRIFIC! I began screaming "I am going to s**t myself!!!!" and "I'm going to vomit!!!" I had never experienced pain so severe that it made me feel sick until then...and of course "I want my f***ing epidural!!!" which of course I knew I was never going to get.

Jonathan held my hand through it all, holding up the sick bag when I thought I was going to vomit and just generally being my rock solid man. Then the burning ring of fire hit me and I started screaming out "THE BURNING!!! THE BURNING!!!". At this point I was just screaming like a maniac and then finally I was crying and pleading "I can't do it...I can't do it!"....and with a final big push Harriet was born and relief hit me like a tsunami. Relief that my baby was here and safe, and relief that the most horrendous pain I had ever felt was finally over.  And let me tell you something, giving birth with no pain relief is not empowering or invigorating. I guess a sense of empowerment can be felt in hindsight, but in the moment of it all it's messy, painful and frightening. I wanted that epidural more than I can express. I wouldn't allow my cats to feel pain like that so why would I put myself through it?! The only thing that I truly felt was relief. Harriet was born at 7:17pm. When they weighed her I almost fell off my my bed. She came in at a whopping 4.045Kg!!! I exclaimed "Are you telling me I just pushed out a 4Kg baby with no pain relief?!". Then came the news...second degree tears again...so the repair work began while I held my beautiful baby girl and talked candidly about the UK with my husband and new midwife who was stitching me up, she was from Lancashire. It had been a long 5 hours.
Jonathan told me that I had made noises that he'd never heard me make before. Apparently at one stage I even made a noise like Xena Warrior Princess, with that kind of yodel, except I wasn't using my tongue to create the noise, it was my throat reverberating through my screams.
The following day Molly met her baby sister for the first time. Her eyes lit up and she exclaimed "she's so beautiful!". She held Harriet and was completely smitten as we all are. Now we embark on the journey of two children. Where's the manual for these kids again? Hahahahahaha!

Sunday, 23 June 2013

I'm pro-vaccination...so sue me.

Something that has become a hot topic in recent years and is very close to my heart is the issue of immunization. I have found myself becoming increasingly outspoken on this contentious topic and I stand firmly resolute in my opinions and beliefs. I find it extremely disturbing and frightening how many families refuse to vaccinate their children because of fear mongering tactics used by lobbyist groups whom I will not name. 
My father who I love very dearly, contracted Polio when he was a child. When he came down with the illness my great grandfather carried him into hospital. He endured painful physio therapy and was lucky enough to avoid having to have calipers fitted like so many others at the time. My grandfather would carry him along the beach every day to get him out. My father walks with a slight limp, which is barely noticeable to most, but one leg is slightly smaller than the other. My father is able to look at his two daughters and know that because of the Polio vaccine we will never know his suffering. He is able to look at all of his grandchildren and know they will never know that suffering. He is a walking reminder of why vaccines are so important. To dismiss vaccines like this is to make a mockery of those who have suffered. My parents and grandparents witnessed plagues of diseases that we will hopefully never see again. 
My dad is also a man who believes in facts and evidence that science and medicine are able to provide. I am very much my fathers daughter in this respect. I cannot believe that people are so dismissive of the tireless work and study that doctors and scientists do in order to save our lives. All medical procedures carry a risk, we know that. Walking across a road involves risk too, but we still do that. I am personally very grateful to live in this day and age of modern medicine. I am able to benefit from all the amazing scientific and medical feats and so are my children. 
Sadly we live in a high risk area where 'informed' parents choose not to vaccinate. Yes parents should be able to make these choices, but they should be making them based on facts and evidence, not hogwash and hearsay. When people start spouting statistics on the links between the MMR and Autism, you can be reassured by the fact that the Doctor involved was struck off the medical register because his study was found to be fraudulent and he stood to make millions from his own diagnostic kits. This study was debunked and removed from the medical journals, and yet it still rears its ugly head because it has permeated the brains and conscience of so many people.
The sad thing is, is that there are people in the community who are not able to be vaccinated because of medical reasons, so they rely heavily on the rest of us to do the right thing so they don't contract a preventable disease, and in some cases this can be fatal. 
I find it ridiculously hilarious that most of these anti-vaxxers are from wealthier backgrounds who are the first ones to jump on the climate change bandwagon. So they believe one set of scientists but not the others? These people have also benefited from modern medicine throughout their lives and now choose to deny their children? Are we to head back to the dark ages where people like Da Vinci and Galileo were ostracized by the church for their scientific and mathematical findings? Surely not. Society cannot be that blind, or can it?
The misuse of the Internet has also played a huge role in this saga, and we are all guilty of it. We jump on to Google and look up symptoms and make our own diagnosis from there. This is so dangerous. If I am ever concerned about my child's health or any member of my family, we go to our GP and in extreme cases we head straight to hospital, because I am not a doctor. My motto is always the age old adage 'It's better to be safe than sorry.' 
For me, it was never an issue. I never questioned immunizing Molly, because I wanted to give her the best fighting chance at life. If that makes me a bad parent, in these anti-vaxxers eyes then so be it. To me, a bad parent is someone willing to expose their children to diseases that can be potentially fatal and advising others to do the same and that fluids and bed rest will cure these conditions.
When it comes to public health and safety, we as a community should feel obliged to do the right thing by each other. This is my opinion. 

Friday, 21 June 2013

A long time between takes...

Walking with Nain
Well it's been a an extended absence from me and much has happened in past 9 months. Where to start?! Firstly, my husband and I took Molly to Wales and the UK in November last year to meet her grandparents.  It was an adventure to say the least. My in-laws live in the magnificent region of North Wales on the island of Anglesey. It truly is magical countryside. Molly adored her Nain and Grandpa and was spoiled rotten.
Outside the Doctor Who Experience - Cardiff
We even got to spend a few days in Reading catching up with friends. On our way back to Anglesey we did a detour and took Molly to the Doctor Who Experience in Cardiff. She was swept away with excitement, as were Jon and I  hahaha! She shrieked in horror when a full sized Dalek came at us but once it was over she was quick to say she wanted to do it all over again.


Britain's Smallest House - Conwy
My hubby and I got a day to ourselves and went to the cinema to see Skyfall. We had lunch beforehand, at which point I told my husband that I thought I might be a little 'late', at which point he smiled and we rushed to the nearest store to get a pregnancy test. I did the test before we went into the movie and low and behold we were expecting baby number 2! Jon was overjoyed, he couldn't stop smiling and crying. He said to me, "I got Bond and a baby in one day!"...that's a true man hahaha! So we got to share our news with Jon's family first this time which was lovely and so exciting. We took Molly to see so many wonderful things, including Conwy Castle and Britain's Smallest House. One of our favourite places was my brother in-laws home in Conwy. He and his fiance have a farm with pigs as well as many other animals. But one piggy in particular was loved by all. He name was Polly and she was the piglet that snuck out so none of the other piglets saw and got let into the house. She would sit on the couch with us and the dog. Now as much as I loved Polly, my heart truly belonged to Tessa the Staffy. She was a delightful animal and Molly and I fought over who loved her more. It was a wonderful time and ended far too quickly.
Polly the pig and Sushi the cat
Goodbyes are never easy and saying goodbye to my husbands parents and family was a difficult task. With heavy hearts we said goodbye and boarded our planes....yes plural. So we had a 2 hour drive to Manchester first then a 30 min flight to Heathrow where we had a 4 hour layover and then we flew to Hong Kong and then on to Sydney. Now flying with a 2 year old is never going to be easy, but with our two year old it was one of the worst experiences of my life. My morning sickness kicked in a day before we left so I was in fine form. Molly actually did fairly well on the flight to London and then slept for most of the flight to Hong Kong, however she woke about 2 hours before we landed and was not in a good way. She just wanted to sit with me, however we were gearing up to land and she had to sit in her seat with a seat belt on. She screamed and screamed no matter how much we tried to calm her down. At one point a younger gentlemen sat behind us shouted "for God's sake, be quiet!", at which point my husband asked him if he wanted a smack in the face and also asked "do you have a 2 year old?" and the other guy responded with "No", to which Jonathan told him to shut up with a few other choice words. I was beside myself. Molly was distraught and crying, I was crying and my husband was in protective daddy/hubby mode. Needless to say the gentleman was moved on the continuing flight to Sydney. Many passengers told us that my husband had done the right thing by speaking up and that the other gentleman had been way out of line. This somewhat settled our nerves a little. Landing in Sydney was a huge relief.

Molly, Tealk and my bump
So 9 months later I am sat here writing this feeling like a walrus, however I have been lucky this time round and haven't gained nearly as much weight as I did with Molly. I am 36 weeks pregnant and Molly is going to have a little sister. My emotions are all over the place, and panic stations have been reached. Molly has become increasingly clingy with me, to the point where she won't even allow the cats to sit on my lap. She has also begun throwing Olympic gold worthy tantrums. Jonathan and I are both the youngest in our families so we don't really know how Molly must be feeling with the impending arrival of her baby sister. I worry that she will feel cast aside. I have been so consumed with her that she may feel left on the outer and that makes me so sad. We will do our best to make sure that Molly is as involved as much as possible. I know that we will love our girls with all our hearts, but it really is a terrifying thing embarking on the journey of having another child. More than anything, I want my girls to have a special bond. Having a sister has been one of the greatest and most rewarding gifts in my life. My big sister was always a hero in my eyes and still is. I rely on her for advice and for her shoulders should I need them to cry on. I still recall being at my aunt's funeral and Alisse and I standing by each other the whole time, just holding each others hands, knowing that she was there to hold me up when I needed her most. I want my girls to feel that love. I know that there will be arguments at times, but I want them to have each others backs. I want Molly to inspire her little sister to be just as great as she is.