Some wounds never heal.

As I sit here contemplating life and all the fuzzy stuff in between, one date keeps flying around my head and crashing into my memory like a freight train. October 16th. The day my aunt died.

Mikki in her younger days.

I know I've written about this before, but I can honestly say that as time goes on the grief doesn't get any easier. Every time I look at Molly I wish that she could have met Mikki. Every time I go shopping, I find myself looking for her. Every time I see my cousins....I see her in their faces. The day she died, a piece of my heart broke off and left this world with her.

This year marks the third anniversary of her passing. 3 years, and I still cry when I look at photos of her, or when I recall funny stories. When I hear her name spoken I close my eyes and everything inside me stops for a split second, anticipating the moment that I open my eyes, hoping she will be standing in front of me, but she never is.

I miss Mikki so much.It pains me to know that Molly will not meet her in this lifetime. She was such an inspiration and massive influence on my sister and I. Sometimes I wonder if we will ever go back to being normal again, but then I realise that this is normal for us now and we have to just keep pushing on.

Our favourite photo of Mikki.

As the 16th approaches, the events of that day ring loudly through my brain. They are out of focus but vivid at the same time. It's such a strange sensation. I remember exactly what I was wearing. I remember my sisters voice on the phone and how she tried to hold herself together because she knew I would panic. I remember my mothers face when I got to the hospital. I remember the heartbreak etched into the lines of my grandparents faces as they sat at the hospital praying for their baby to pull through. I remember the pain in my heart as though it were yesterday.

One thing is for certain, it may have been 3 years but There Will always be a small broken empty space inside us that can never be filled, and thus we will never truly heal completely.